Funny Lessons at School

                           Funny LESSONS at school

                                       Time-table

                                                            English

Teacher:   What is the difference between an active verb and a passive one?                                                                                                                                 Pupil:    An active verb means an action and a passive one – passion.

                                                              Math

Teacher: How much is two plus one?                                                                       Pupil:   I don`t know.     Teacher:  Well, Tom. I`ll try to help you. Suppose I give you two cats and then I give you one cat. How many cats do you have now?    Pupil:  Four.          Teacher:  Why four?                                                                  Pupil:   I have one cat already.

Russian

Teacher:  Your Russian exercises are always better than your English exercises.       Pupil:  That is because my mum does not know English.

History

Teacher: Please tell me what happened in 1850?    Pupil: Robert Stevenson was born (the author of “Treasure Island”). Teacher: Good. Now tell me what happened in1854?     (Oscar Wild was born. The author of “The Picture of Dorian Grey”)                                                                                    Pupil: In 1854 Rob Stevenson was 4 years old.

Literature

Teacher:  How many plays by Shakespeare do you know?   Pupil:  I know only two of them: “Romeo” and “Juliet”.  

Physics

Teacher:  What is the between lightning and electricity?       Pupil: Well, sir, you don`t have to pay for lightning.

Botany                  

Teacher: When is the best time to gather fruit?      Pupil: When there is no dog in the garden.

                                                              Russian

Teacher: I can`t   imagine  how one person could make so many mistakes. Pupil: It wasn`t one person, teacher. My brother helped me.

English

Teacher: What is an abstract noun? Pupil: I don`t know. Teacher: What? You must know! Well, remember. It`s the name of the thing you cannot touch and take. Now, give me your examples. Pupil: A red-hot iron, cooker, poker.

Biology

Teacher: Along ago people were close to nature and they noticed that when insects, birds, and animals sensed the coming storm they built a shelter. When ancient people saw it, they did it too.  Pupil (to another one): Well, now everything is clear. Our neighbour is building a house so the weather will be bad.

Art

Mary: What makes you think our teacher has never seen a house, Tom? Tom: Don`t you know? I drew one at the lesson and he asked me what it was!

Geography

Teacher: This is the fifth time I have punished you this week because of you don`t know where the Baltic Sea is. What have you to say?             Pupil: I`m glad it`s Friday, sir.

Physical education

The champion was told that he had a temperature and he asked how high was it. “A hundred and one,” said the doctor. “And what is the world`s record?” asked the champion.

English

Pupil at the lesson:  Is English very difficult to study? Teacher:  No, it is not difficult. Only the first ten lessons are difficult. Pupil: Then I want to begin with  Lesson  eleven.

Geography

Teacher: Will you tell me where tigers are found?       Pupil:  Tigers are so big and dangerous they hardly ever get lost.

Physics

Teacher: Tell me, please, why water changes into ice in winter? Pupil: Oh, it`s an easy question to answer. So that we can  go skating.

Astronomy

Teacher: Children, there is to be an eclipse of the Moon tonight. If your parents will let you,  I`d like you to stay up and watch it.      Pupil: What channel?

Geography

Teacher ( trying to tell her pupils about new discoveries): What is there today that wasn`t here 40 years ago?  Pupil:  Me!

Math

Teacher: If your brother has 5 apples and you take two of them, what will be the result?        Pupil: He will beat me.

English

Teacher: Your English is not correct. You often write “I have  went” instead of “I have gone”. You must stay after school and write ‘I have gone” a hundred times. Then you will remember.            The pupil wrote: I have  wrote “I have gone” a hundred times, and now I have went.